Rabbits Part II: the story

Stop the World…

Where were we? Ah yes, I just want to go back a little – to the ‘yanking’ episode – there I was, I assume that at least I was to all intents and purposes – like – there…somewhere!  I am making this assumption due to the fact that I have a memory of everything in the world stopping; just right out of the blue I’m aware of being ‘up there’ suspended in space and time. Totally safe, not at all bothered about where the meat and bones of me would be found, because to be sure, there would be no way I could be this light and still be in my body…could I?

 And, to get right down to it, who was I at that split second of freeze frame?  I had some kind of animation, I could sense myself being ergo I must be making some movement; we are never perfectly still, until of course rigor steps in!  And that sure as hell wasn’t on the menu, please and thank you to whoever or whatever, and wasn’t it just too perfect that that did not matter at all. 

Absolutely no concern for my predicament and the World was just there and I was – not…but yes…could there be another explanation?  Did I jump or was I pulled? Was this an out of body experience or was my one and only Soul about to discover the Thodol Bardo was spot on and there were things and places and spaces and times yet to be traversed. Was I about to get the answers to all the questions? Was there part of me out there to be met and returned to?

Had I dropped through the veils of realities and become suspended in limbo?  Too romantic even for me!  Or is it? Perhaps that is the whole point.

 The Universe had me, by the scruff of the neck – it had picked me up and held me aloft in this daze of space. There was a choice to be made and only I could make it. Oh it’s ultimatum time and you’re gonna leave here, I can see that glazing over in your eyes…( do you get pub singing angels??)

 CLARITY!  The Universe has the capacity to be a bit of a ‘tough love’ aficionado and as the time thing unravelled before my rapidly glazing eyes I began to see where I’d gone wrong…or at least I thought I had.

 Once upon an end of another bastard Wednesday, I trundled my way back home entertaining the idea on one hand of getting changed and going out and meeting up with the boys from Judo, on the other hand, however, the more tantalizing idea was to give it a miss, jump into a long hot bath and go to bed and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep until old Rip called Uncle and confessed to cat napping! The closer the bus got to my home the more I felt I wanted to stay there. I wanted to see the guys and once I got my lazy arse in gear I’d most likely have an excellent time, I thought, then I thought, no – you need to stay at home just stay at home see them on Saturday it’s not too long to wait.

 And so it went on all the way into the house, up to the bedroom, into the bathroom and while back on the bus to go back into town. 

 Closer and closer feeling more and more uneasy, just stay on this bus it’s the circular, you don’t even have to get off your seat, stay on, go home you will not be having such a good time if you continue on here…

I had another opportunity to leave afterwards when a friend called into the pub and offered to put me up for the night.  For some reason staying was the only option and so that is what I did.

 And, there I was, things getting dimmer below me, no feeling of trepidation just a natural kind of hankering to be going on…

 Until, just when I thought everything was going to be finally right, the Universe (or Universal Representative even) let me go!

 That’s right – it dropped me and I banjoed my brain off the tarmac of the pavement in one great WHAP!

 It took a little bit of time for me to realise that it was actually the pavement and not the middle of the road, which had been my last map reference so confusion ruled.

 Since I’ve always been the kind of practical type, my immediate thought after what the fu…??! Was to make a body check – wiggle toes, yes still ten, extend ankles – good no problem there though my feet were quite cold, the knees bent and in the right direction – big relief and then the back was fine but oh! Oh! There was this big, wet, lump on my head where it had – as only it can –  in Glasgow – kissed the pavement!

 Out of nowhere crowds of people arrived, where do they come from by the way? It was after midnight the streets had been empty, is there like a callout crowd, you know someone presses a button and an alarm goes off and beepers are beeping everywhere and all these people drop everything and rush to be instant rubberneckers at accident sites?

 The icing on the cake was the arrival of the police. I don’t get a panda car or a beat cop – no… I get a mini bus full of them going on duty, and they took my shoes from the middle of the road I’m sure that should’ve been evidence!  Of what I’m not sure, that the car was going so fast or that suddenly I can jump higher than Daley Thompson with a 10ft pole?

That the guy actually did see someone for a split second in his headlights a gal gone ‘tharn’!  (He hadn’t been so sure, he slewed to a stop and sent his passenger out to make sure – all I remember of that was ridiculously high heels and blonde hair and whining, not from me, I hasten to add!) That came later when they picked the tarmac out of my eyebrows and forehead with enormous tweezers while asking me how much I had had to drink.

 No other marks at all.

 And yes, I did remark to the Ambulance man that I was glad I’d listened to my mother and was wearing clean underwear!

When I finally got home… well that is another story and when I know you well enough to introduce you to my Mother, you will read it then.

 A couple of years or so afterward I attended a seminar given by the transport police on fatal accidents. There was a picture of a Volkswagen Gti with the windscreen smashed in when the body of the victim hit it on her way over the length of the car.

The guy in front of me said, ‘No way was anybody walking away from something like that’.

 I tapped him on the shoulder and said, “I beg to differ, it can be done, but it’s best not to try it without the aid of a Universal Representative on hand”.

See you down the rabbit hole…